Once again disclaimer: Everyone who knows me will now deny my existence.
It's fine I mean how can you miss the fat pink haired mom in the stands?
So the last 2 weeks we have had BOY issues in the house full of penises-
My youngest is constantly playing with his penis and this I thought was completely
normal until I heard my other son screaming
"That's DISGUSTING! Wash your hands!!!
For gawd's sake quit touching you freakin penis!!"
I realized it might be time for mom to step in and take control
just so no boxing matches happen on my watch.
I mean I have 3 BIG boys, that literally could destroy my....TV.
So the conversation went like this-
Me: Honey what is going on with your penis, why are you grabbing it all the time.
Him: I am picking hair out of it. *casually as I am chewing bubblegum mind you*
Me: Hair? What do you mean hair?! Is there hair growing???!!!
Him: Yes...hairs...multicolored hairs mom. (seriously DUH)
Me: Well don't pick at your penis ok?
Him: Ok then.
The end right?
Oh no....
So he keeps picking at his penis for another week
and it's starting to get out of control.
My other son is freaking out over this shit, screaming "WASH YOUR HANDS"
just about every 4.5 seconds.
So we go in for the kill this time. I have raised 3 boys and a husband
who acts like a horny 15 yr old...I got this shit under control YO!
Me: Come HERE!
Him: What mom?
Me: What happening with your penis.
Him: Mom I told you multicolored hairs!!! I even found blue ones!
Me: Blue hairs growing??
Him: Yes Blue and sometimes GREEN! *very excited by the way and happy*
Me: Blue and green?? Is this LINT??
Him: I don't know? I guess so.
Me: So it's not growing from your body?
Him: Well it appears.
Me: Sigh- no more picking your penis from now on go wash it if green hairs appear ok??
Him: Ok thanks mom!!
Seriously, we went from early puberty to LINT how does
this always happen in my house??
And now we know why boys constantly play with their penis! It starts with lint!
I give up.
